#it’s been done so much but who cares
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Since Bagi got added to Morning crew I finally got the excuse to do this
(I was unable to find the same font they used in the original album and it’s bugging me so much but oh well)
#qsmp#qsmp fanart#morning crew#qsmp fitmc#qsmp pac#qsmp tubbo#qsmp bagi#it’s been done so much but who cares#also Demon Days absolutely slaps top tier album#tkart.
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slaying while slaying 🔪🩸
still + alt color:
#art#dnncats#astarion#my beloved#baldurs gate 3#bg3#astarion art#havent been active w art but big news this man has me in a GRIP#going 2 ramble in the tags a bit for those who Care!!!#the brain has been rotting ovr bg3 for like. 2 months now#ive done 2 playthrus (1 current) so far and bro ive only ever romanced this fucking guy its so over 4 me.......i cant deny him#i love him so much my chaotic neutral bf wife#ive gotten my ass beat by abdirak in the goblin camp every time for his approval#its actually so serious LMFAOO#anw more astarion art 2 come hopefully hehehe <3
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Incorrect, the fact that Biden has dropped out and a candidate with history of supporting medicare for all and being more receptive to a ceasefire in the I/P conflict has made me go from "I cannot morally support the Democratic nominee" to "I am voting for the Democratic nominee despite the fact she isn't perfect in every respect." I'm really happy this played out. The Dems for the most part abandoned the old Obama platform and it feels like its possible an actual progressive agenda could come to pass in my lifetime.
Kamala 2024!
If you weren't going to vote Democratic in this election before Biden dropped out you're a dorkass loser who does not care about any of the issues you're yammering about here and also a fundamentally bad person, and I hope you get run over by a bus.
But you got one thing right in all of this gibberish, Kamala 2024.
#personal#answered#anonymous#i mean let's be clear here no president is gonna attempt to be progressive ever again within my lifetime#because joe biden tried to do like 25% of that and got ZERO fucking credit#he did so much on healthcare on reform on loans on so many social issues and for all his litany of failings on i/p#he has been distinctly harsher on netanyahu than a good chunk of dems and certainly the entire republican party#for the first time since i was four we are not involved in any wars as americans and that is thanks to joe biden#but the thing is that he gets no credit for any of it!#him pulling out of afghanistan caused his approvals to tank in a way that never recovered#and leftists gave him FUCK ALL for it#they gave him nothing they just continued whining that even tho he cancelled a bajillion in student loans#he didn't actually cancel a QUADRILLION dollars so both parties are the same and voting is the most arduous task known to man#no democrat who is running is going to forget that catering to leftist/progressive policies gets them zero leeway with those supporters#that it not only tanks numbers but you still get constant haranguing about it anyway#so they're not gonna do it#we are gonna get fuckall for at least a good fifty years#and anything we get will be utterly in SPITE of people like you anon it will happen in spite of everything you've done#mostly because of people like me and mine who understand that voting is the bare minimum#and that for the democratic process to work the way you want it to you need to participate and not pitch a fucking fit#like a four year old who was told they can't go to disney this weekend#like i know you ratfuckers are happy this played out because this is all a game to you and you don't actually care#but that's why i've got zero faith in you people and why i'm glad it's my kind of folks#actual die hard democrats who have always been hardliners for supporting democrats in every possible election#who are picking up the slack and donating to harris and supporting her agenda#which is the exact same as biden's because she's his vice president and they share they same platform#because that's what they were both running on! twice!#anyway fuck you please feel free to find a necktie and test how tall your doorframe is
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soft (and some bittersweet)
#trigun stampede#trigun#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#i think they both spent majority of their lives in solitude and ofc vash went town to town and made friendships promises and etc along the w#way + he had his home and whatnot in the long years he's been alive but he still just seemed so lonely.#in prior versions of trimax he had friends at home at least and maybe he mightv made some but luida and brad are basically just his#guardians in this adaption. like brad used to be a homie.... vash watched that little dude grow up.... and jessica too.... but he doesn't#have that in this adaption. nor a town like july where he had grown close to the townspeople and shaped that tragedy to be closer to his#heart. and wolfwood spent years fighting under the eom and doing shit under their jurisdiction when we saw him so adamantly try to reject#and fight back against that fate. i dont think he had a second at all to get familiar with townspeople or even care to#so its just these two lonely ass souls and vash immediately seeing the good in ww and points it out#ww who is under orders again to be involved in vash's business but he's also SO touchy about it bc vash is so careless and lack that self#regard and also just is not seeing the world that ww is seeing. but then vash helps him and saves him by sharing a piece of what /he/ sees#and it fucking. rescrambled ww's brain for a sec. HE GAVE HIM HOPE!!! he gave him hope!!!! and in turn ww gave vash hope too and its#all done in like 3-4 eps. there's so much fervent attachment in what they managed to give each other in such a short time#but theyre limited to the contract to the inevitable confrontation with knives - so while theyd want to give into that chance to love this#person who managed to give them smth special they just can't at all#ruporas art
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isat pokemon au, my liege?
my rambling in tags
#my art#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#pokemon#siffrin#mirabelle#isabeau#odile#bonnie#i am not individually tagging pokemon sorry. floragato eevee ursaring scorbunny meowstic <- for anyone who does not know them#im personally a big fan of when artists mold pokemon designs like clay to fit their characters so i tried to channel that#siffrin really does have the perfect mystery dungeon backstory. washes up on a beach with no memories of their past type of deal yknow#i imagine that he was still a sprigatito then? and evolves at some point during their journey? dont ask me for details i dont know them#veryy tempting to make him an absol but ive already seen that done very well!! so i kept most of these to floragato sif#mirabelle being an eevee is suuuch low hanging fruit sorry. i could not resist the evolving pokemon not wanting to evolve trope#i was concerned that sif was no longer shortest party member until i realized they just stand on their back legs all the time to feel talle#when quadruped like mira he is still shortest. sorry siffrin#isa gave me such a hard time. like i never thought i would turn a character into ursaring of all things but it really was the best choice#my other choices were bewear or pawmot if you care. he’s so bear coded#if going purely based on looks i probably would have made odile a sneasler. but i wanted her to be psychic#ill be honest bonnie was purely vibes. they carry the treasure bag :)#never draw bonnie's hat in profile worst mistake of my life#loop is still cat shaped here but i’ve seen the idea of them changing species thrown around. much to think about#i like the idea of the party seeing sif and loop side by side and immediately clocking their entire deal#the change god is mew btw. very important information to no one but myself#eurasie as hisuian zoroark?? lots of hair. and the king can be darkrai#don’t mind the inconsistencies. me and my 2781 ways of drawing the same character#wait what does an eevee look like again. googles it. oh i really crabbed this one up#uhh. looks around. been sitting on this one for a bit too long i think. maybe ill clean up some more sketches later
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something that always gets me about klavier is that he is so clearly just like. friendly. he cares so much and he cares too much. he's one to tease simultaneously but he so clearly just like. loves and loves and loves, even when it puts him in harm's way, he likes people and he likes being around people enough to be desperate for it and for friendship like. ough
#goober.txt#klavier gavin#kristoph gavin#aa4#this is also partially why I am such a truther of nuance in klavier+kris's relationship#I think it mixes well with prev just in like. how much he cares is both part of his core and a byproduct of#being desperate for all the connection he lost + that was plenty dysfunctional on top of that (but all he had)#I think it actively hits harder if he's conflicted for missing someone who was terrible because it was still his brother and like.#I think kris having been good to klavier sometimes (adding to the dysfunction of the bad) is something that I've always liked#because like#I think klavier having a 'is it wrong to want him dead' and 'am I terrible for missing him badly' thing happenin at the same time is!!#so good and also very sad and I love you gavin brother things that capcom didn't give us. love you klavier gavin#I like the idea of him having that confliction alongside his grief :( ow#I literally don't have the right words to properly express all my thought cereal on this. other people have done it though so it is ok haha#I love when fictional grief has the confliction of 'being reminded the monster was also human and that makes everything worse' it's so good#like I hate you. I miss you. the way you were nice to me was so very you and it makes me soft and sad and tired. I miss you.#you were awful in unspeakable ways. I miss you.#sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like without you and it comforts me as much as it terrifies me. I miss you
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oc time again! + her town & culture (heavily inspired by pre-roman italic populations)
she is suri sauthon (she/her). her story is linked to my swtor imperial agent, tar'x, but most of her life except for the one year away where she meets him, is spent in a town in the mountains of mirial.
despite mirial being cold and desert, and many cities developing underground, her town flourishes thanks to a force nexus, venerated in the form of an ancient, sacred, alive crystal. the ecosystem of that mountain depended on what "the horned crystal" was capable of giving them, but mirialans couldn't live off of that alone, so they developed trade and some rudimental technology, even if oftentimes it was bought thanks to the highly profitable trade of a plant used to make medicines that slowed down aging and had overall healing properties.
note: everything that's generated by this nexus has these healing properties BUT they have to be processed, except for those who bathed in the waters of the cavity under the crystal - the "real" nexus, but not the worshipped one. the waters were sacred but they were not thought to be miraculous, unlike the crystal, who instead was thought of as the keystone of the ecosystem: without it, everything would fall apart (and that is partially true: the cavity was the "real" nexus but thanks to the crystal, also strong in the force, the properties were spread all over the mountains). those who bathed in the cavity's waters - so, all of the town, who had a sort of baptism there - could eat the plant, make whatever food with it, and not only that plant, but everything generated by the nexus, that, again, had similar properties. this allowed people to live up to normal life-spans without advanced medicines or, much, really. to those who didn't live there, though, after the processing, had incredible effects, slowing down aging - for those who took it regularly - and making people able to live up to half a century more than the average]
originally, there were four tribes of nomads that lived thanks to horned farm animals that decided to settle down into one bigger town and other smaller settlements, to live off of transhumance. this division of the tribes stayed into the political and social organization: every person belonged to one tribe specifically, and had slightly different rituals and culture. for examples, each tribe had their own priests and healers, with different techniques and traditions. the town, tho, was guided by a group of people in the high priesthood, a position you could reach only by having earned the trust of all tribes. those high priests had many roles: they guided the people into sacred processions common to all the tribes, they managed the trading with outsiders, they did the maintenance of the temple of the summit (the one that functioned as casket to the crystal) and created a special liquid to offer the crystal that helps it grow.
this particular temple was important because 1. it was very visible, from every angle of the town, and it became an important identity symbol; 2. it stored the venerated horned crystal; 3. it had the altar where sacrifices were made for the crystals. that altar had a hole connected to the cavity, that allowed the liquids to reach the underground; 4. it had various symbols: statues representing each tribe + the high priesthood, and typical mirialan tattoos carved into the wood of the trees that served as columns for the temple, symbolizing 8 values that who dared to enter HAD to have; 5. it was on the way to an important lake (called "mother lake" because the lake the town was built around to depended on the waters of that other lake) where they traveled to in important processions; 6. it was said that a the wizard who unified the tribes made it with its magic, making the plant grow to hold the temple's roof. this wizard was, actually, a force user, obv.
BACK TO HER THOUGH: she's daughter of one of the high priests, who was in charge of managing the trades with outsiders, and lives in a house on the mountains with her mother and him. her parents are from different tribes (that's one of the things that earned him trust from the 4 tribes): when a child is born from two different tribes, they don't pick one to allign to, but they're usually linked automatically to the one with more relatives in it (in her case, the father's tribe: she had many uncles and aunts on his side while her mom only had one sister).
later, though, she got quite tied to her mother's tribe due to a mysterious illness that only her mother's tribe healer was able to cure. she spent 4 years (from 10 to 14 years old) living with the healer and learned her secrets. to better study, she wrote them down. when she returned home, she studied to become a priestess with her father. at 22 (the average age: you can't become priest before your 20s), she was supposed to take a test and become a priestess, but the healer of her mother's tribe died and the tribe asked her to take her place. she couldn't technically do that, but both tribes estimated both her and her parents and she was allowed to become both. she then decided to try to become a high priestess, and became one at 25 (a quite young age). being part of the council, she tried to convince the various tribe healers to unite their knowledges and write them down, and eventually made it. healers still remained tribe based but they now had an "upper, inter-tribe level" similar to high priesthood.
years later, the sacred horned crystal is stolen from the temple by some Hutt mercenaries looking for a profit. given the trust she has earned from all the tribes and the fact that her father is the high priest that deals with outsiders (and she's been hearing stories and advice about it since she was little), she is the one tasked with getting it back. without the growing crystal, the keystone to their ecosystem, the village would have lasted only a few years. in hrr quest, she meets imperial intelligence agent tar'x laran and, as they "solve the mystery" and fight to have it back, they get closer. they'll get married and have a daughter, Vegoia (who's the only one who actually will get to the plot of my story. this was all background)
#i overdeveloped this part of the background. IT'S QUITE LITERALLY USELESS. like. Vegoia will have so few memories of it (she'll become jedi)#i will make a post about her too when I'll finish designing her and outlining her story BUT that may be difficult cuz the frame for the mai#story is quite difficult to match with how developed the other stories are getting and i have to figure it Much Stuff yet#so I'm using these post to like. fix a certain part lf the lore because even my own notes are getting older and messy. better to start over#ANYWAY for those curious & who are still reading (if u exist. WTF THANK U!!); my main story is actually a research file in the jedi archive#BASICALLY i was trying to write my own story for years but then i watched a video (tcw doesn't hold up by sheev talks i think) and i finall#understood how to frame all of these stories together in a way that i feel can add to the star wars lore (because. the others were just#like. okay but who cares unless me? and i did want to have a cool frame that maybe some nerd would be interested in looking into)#so: when ahsoka anakin and obi return from mortis; they tell the council about it (yoda knows about it in s6). sheev talks complained that#it was incredibly full of stuff that was done so poorly it could ruin a big part of the original sw story itself and it was never brought u#again. and honestly i agree. SO my story is about a jedi that is tasked with research on the celestials & by having him figure out stuff i#can minimize/limit/reframe some of the controversial things in there (i love mortis arc so bad but i also agree with his critic. I'll Fix™)#so. many stories will be about people who have previously seen the celestials or have been to mortis one way or another (pre-tcw obv) & hav#had experience & knowledge that the researcher is looking for. so i get to have an anthology with many stories#and have a cool frame I'm intrested in developing + i can experiment with different storytelling styles depending on how he finds out stuff#+ there was another sw story with a similar frame i think? so if i decide to write the story as if it was the file itself and not the searc#i can have even a REFERENCE of what a file like that is supposed to be. LIKE. IT ALL FITS!!!#sw#star wars#swtor#the old republic#star wars oc#imperial agent#star wars fanart#mirialan oc#mirialan#star wars story#star wars the old republic#oc: suri sauthon
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OOOH BABY THIS ONE WAS A LONG TIME COMING. NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE!!
YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A DAY LIKE ANY OTHER. A DAY OF ADVENTURE WITH YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS. OH HOW TIGHTLY YOU HOLD THEM TO YOUR CHEST, AND OH HOW TERRIFYING IT IS TO WATCH THEM GET EVISCERATED BY SOMETHING YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. MAYBE IF YOU JUST LISTENED A BIT MORE, IF YOU LET THE SMART ONE LEAD THE CHARGE, THIS WOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED. ONCE AGAIN YOUR IMPULSIVENESS LEADS TO DISASTER. HEAR ME NOW, YOUNG TIDESTRIDER, YOUR STUPIDITY WILL BRING THE DEMISE OF EVERYTHING YOU WERE BORN AND FORGED TO PROTECT. HOW COULD THE PROPHECY HAVE CHOSEN SOMEONE SO USELESS? I BET YOU WISH YOU CHOSE THE RIGHT LEVER. FAILURE.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide spoilers#jrwi riptide#cw gore#cw blood#cw eyestrain#THE NIGHTMARE ARC WAS CRAAAZY IVE BEEN WORKIN ON THIS SHIT SINCE THAT EP CAME OUT OHHH MY GOOOODD#ITS DONE ITS DONE I DONT CAAAARE I CANT LOOK AT IT ANYMORE JUST TAAAAKE IT#IT WAs meant to just be a buncha silly doodles and. well. then i saw all the beautiful colors in the world#and i just really wanted to draw jay getting fucked up by a lazer#IGNOREEEE THE DIFFERING ARTSTYLES THIS HAS LITERALLY BEEN COOKING FOR MONTHS AND I AM TALENTED IN MANY DIFFERENT WAYS#I LOVE COLORS!!! if you look clooosesly youll notice that gillions eyes are bright green everytime#the dream stuff is all reddish and the waking world stuff is blue#I ALSO LOve drawing tears and that weird thick blood pouring from the wounds in his chest#i also LOVE drawing Dead Eyes (eyes of some1 who is dead) poor chip lmaooo everyone point n laugh at this guy who got Power Word: killed#he care so much for gillion tho... when he was breaking jay out he was like 'we gotta save gill' BUT#THAT WAS DREAM CHIP. THATS HOW GILLION SEES CHIP.. gillion knows these two love n care for him so much AUUUUUU#MORE IDEAS: i like to think gillion knows what price looks like bc chip has shown him Via his funny magic Disguise Self Bandana#also kinda unrelated but still in this episode. ive never seen gryffon act so homosexual. admitting he goes to like. 'male service' or wate#like that was all in gills dream. does gill just see gryffon as a fruit or somethin. does he Know?#okayokay i think i got most o the worms out of my BRAIN. i just love blood and terror and horror and fear so mmuuuuch#and i hope u love it too. have a good day if you can help it
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it is officially the one year anniversary of hz episode 16, aka THE spinel pokemon episode, therefore!
a redraw of my very first (08/01/23) digital drawing of spinel (*'▽'*)
plus cool overlay hehe
i can't believe it's been a whole year since he got his big episode ∑(゚Д゚) i don't think i'll ever be as excited for any episode as i was for 16
here's to another year of this freak !! maybe he'll actually show up soon outside of a 5 second appearance that sets up him being suspicious just for it to be forgotten for months
og under cut! (old art alert)
#pokemon#pokeani#anipoke#pokemon horizons#pokemon hz#pokemon spinel#spinel pokemon#pokemon explorers#my art#rambling moment up ahead my bad#honestly i've been pretty demotivated when it comes to making hz stuff#i've seen complaints abt hz stuff that VAGUELY resembles the stuff i make (keyword vaguely)#and it. reallyyyy got to me despite the fact that it probably isn't about my stuff at all and that i'm overthtinking it!#but it did stump me for a while until i remembered. Who Cares#my target audience is mostly myself so!#making content for your own enjoyment is much more fun (and easy) than trying to cater to anyone else#life lessons with hershey#which means i am back on that grind! maybe (school starts Very Soon)#anyways! if you read all this i swear i am not usually this much of a loser i've had character development!!#/e wave byebye#sidenote i wanted to make smth bigger since hz16 changed who i am as a person#for the worse i just got way more annoying about spinel after it#BUT..! i had to get this done in one night since i'd be dragged away from my computer until after the ep's anniversary
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Wolfstar AU - Werewolf rights activist Sirius Black meets Remus 'I don't want your help, I just want some quiet' Lupin.
#Remus is so done with everything but not because he's too cool to care - the reverse#he cares too much but he's disillusioned and hates himself and doesn't see the point in trying anymore‚ not if it is for himself#he doesn't want his mere existence to be political; doesn't want to be dragged into the spotlight#and at first Sirius is like 'Well‚ okay‚ bye then. Suit yourself.'#because he has no patience and sympathy for people who just wallow and give up#Sirius is too harsh and Remus is wedged too deep in his self-pity#they don't really get each other - until they do#no‚ I'm not writing this#but it has to have been done by somebody?#if you know a good fic pls recommend#remus lupin#sirius black#wolfstar#RL/SB#remus x sirius
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Rewatching dead boy detectives and I love the music box that starts playing when Charles started hitting the night nurse. Like, the haunting melody went so well with the shock of what we learned about Charles' past and his sudden outburst (spiralling out of control, the feeling of the world beating down on you over and over and even when you try your best, be your best self, it isn't enough and there isn't anything you can do). And then morphed to something more upbeat/thrilling when she fell into the sea, followed by complete silence with Charles' breakdown. Oughhhhhhhhh
#dead boy detectives spoilers#mention of abuse ahead ->#those scenes were so good but so hard to watch. the belt hits close to home especially#I'm not an expert but you know how physical abuse can sometimes lead to sense of lacking control#how your body is something that should only belong to you#and you can't even stop it from being struck by the hands of those who are supposed to care for you#him mentioning his father smashed his tape and he said it wasn't a big deal#him being violated by the night nurse by being forced to relive his pain and everything that's been going on#world falling apart in front of you / there's nothing to be done but let it happen despite your best effort#I guess it feels like old ghosts in different form#no wonder why devlin house was a torture for him#when charles said he can't stop anything I justtttttttttttt#charles ily so much.......................#anyway my head's fever-muddled
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Cross and Dream would be unstoppable. In a bad way. Those two are both overworking machines and Blue is so so tired of having to wrangle them into resting.
#utmv#undertale au#both of them have an awful mindset about work#they think they need to run themselves into the ground for it to be good#Dream because he thinks there's always things to be done#and Cross almost as a punishment to himself but also as a distraction#pushing his body further than it can go#and getting his brain to stop thinking altogether#can't think about how much of a fuckup you are if you can't think at all#I think If Cross were to become a more fixed part of the Star Sanses' lives then Blue would just have a lot more on his plate#I do think he already takes care of Dream somewhat#but Dream won't fight him too much on it#he's more reasonable#Cross is anything but helpful and reasonable#And then if Blue ends up confronting him that's just more reason for Cross to feel guilty#because he feels like he's wasting Blue's time who's been so nice and helpful and has welcomed him so easily and he's really sorry-#and Blue's just like 'bro. you're literally doing it again just stop'#and Blue just wishes this fucking guy would chill out.#he didn't have so many reservations about tearing AUs apart#anywayyy#fun thoughts#messy ones but y'know
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and the storm he was driving/washed it away/in the eye there was a silence
#pokemon#swsh#champion leon#rival hop#and!#professor hop#finally. finally the titus was born set can be done and out of my brain#one more item off the list! the very. very long list of things I wanna draw for these lads#its so. the moment I got into swsh I was like okay so titus was born is a leon song right#before you ask no I don't watch netflix shows. I just listen to young the giant like. casually#this set pushed my drawing water brain to the brink... my effect brain too#not as much as last year's october piece also for these two but still! pretty rough!#also Stuff Happened right before I could finish this lmao. we live in a society#but I got it done and it turned out so much nicer than I anticipated lmao I was NOT feeling hop's side until I darkened the bg#gods. I have never stopped being insane abt leon and hop. holds leon tenderly you have been set up to be such a dick#man who lies to himself everyday vs man who trusts until it ruins his whole world#I!! care them!!!! gods!!!! when will I be normal. when will I not spend two weeks drawing One (1) thing for them#a sad awooga for my kids everyone.#okay. I will lay down now. I have much to do tomorrow#have a good night lads! no reason to not shield urself from the rain remember!
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coked-out bernard dowd, send tweet
#that mf has definitely done hard substances#he's done meth he's done coke he's heroin#and it's not like he bought those things but i think the cult gave it to him#wanted to see how much he could take#and he took it. because he's their pretty little sacrifice#he's their perfect lamb. and he is so docile and so meek and he is their favorite because he takes it sooo well#and they love it because he cuts through himself like butter and his blood flows freely like rivers#and he never resists because for once in his life someone wants him and who fuckin gives a sht if he has to scoop out his guts to be wanted#who cares if he's slowly ruining his body to be loved? they like him!! they love him! they say he's the ideal vessel and that he bleeds#so prettily and that he takes the whippings so well‚ don't you bernard? you can take a little more‚ right bernard?#after all‚ he's their perfect little sacrifice‚ their perfect little vessel‚ their perfect little lamb#KAJSDHKJASHDJKASDHASHK IM GOING INSANE#recently ive been having too many thoughts about the cult being less smth he just falls into and does every once in a while and more...#addiction? smth he chooses? smth he goes back to again and again and again?#like he always needs another dose‚ a stronger and stronger dose‚ until he blinks and he's on the altar tied up‚ ready to bleed#bernard dowd#anyway‚ thoughts‚ comments‚ or concerns?#please let me know
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thinking abt how he spent his birthday in the inbetween
#recreyo#recreyo chan#Ao#curt richy#ughhhhhh#cus like when I ponder on s1 lore I feel like all curt had was “single father”?#anyway what even he had the least lore in s1 fs#but forgot who said it but hell yeah bro got all the lore(trauma) in s2#still tho like#i just think that ao would create an illusion of a cupcake for him to make a birthday wish or something#just to remind him that he’s stuck here#just like she was for all those years#even on his birthday#and Curt’s so done with this shit like he wants to be nonchalant#and I don’t know if he cares about birthdays#but you know#it is a special date#and I like to think that he doesn’t even know what day it is#He only knew that it’s been a very long time#but ao reminds him on purpose that it’s his birthday#just to inflict as much sorrow as she could onto this man
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knowing i should take a step back from tumblr for my own wellbeing vs. being emotionally attached to this app and the people on it
#tumblr would be tumblr without me—as would the self ship community. it’s silly for me to feel so invested this Thing that is just that:#a Thing. it can’t give me the love or care or satisfaction with life that i’m looking for. i’ve been hiding on here—escaping reality.#because it’s fun to live in an imaginary world where i’m everything i want to be. where i’m the main character.#but in doing so i’ve been neglecting the ugly parts of my real life; the pain and hurt and harsh realities.#over the past couple months it has become apparent to me that i tend to put too much trust and effort into people#who have neither the capacity nor the desire to reciprocate.#so i just look like a fool in the end. (this isn’t about anyone here—just a pattern of behavior in general.)#at the end of the day#having thousands of followers on tumblr has no impact on my real life. if anything it makes me feel more isolated than ever.#because it’s yet another arena where i feel like i have to carve out my own space; i’ve never been good at taking up space.#anyway i suppose i’ll take the weekend away and see how i feel. i’ve had a lot of shit happening irl that has been so horribly difficult.#so maybe getting through all of that will help me feel more comfortable on my own blog again.#if you read this all i’m so sorry. i’ll prob regret posting my heartfelt thoughts in the future but at this very moment i don’t care.#self preservation be damned.#please support ficsforgaza; i’ll still be helping aleks over there because it’s one of the few places where i feel useful.#okay i’m done now. i’ll see you later. i wish you all so much love and nothing but the best.#tw personal
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